I'm on a roll today. What can I say. And it has me hankerin' for a big Tuna sandwich. On a roll. I only realized the power of the tuna can at a late time in my life - Whilst attempting mightily to become a meathead, I was informed by my friend Earl (that is indeed his name) that Tuna was the best way to get protein without fat. And cheap too! Seeing as I am again attempting mightily to become a meathead, lady tuna has entered back into my life after a long hiatus.
First, the technicalities. In a single can of shredded or "chunk light" tuna packed in water (not oil!), you get 25 grams of protein and 5% fat. A pretty good ratio, if I have to say so. If you're willing to eat straight out of the can, you'll get exactly that. Of course, most people have to add a generous (and powerfully vile) dallop of Mayonnaise to make it taste a little less fishy. So
then your fat intake goes through the roof. Incidentally, once you start eating this stuff as heavily as I do, the level of Mercury in your blood might rise precipitously. Don't be alarmed, Mercury adds character.
Second, the fun. Just the other day I bought what is officially recognized by the Association of Standard Weights and Measures as a "buttload" of tuna. I love it. When I'm not eating a turkey sandwich (of which I also bought a "buttload"), I'm eating a tuna sandwich. Let me tell you, it drives the ladies wild. Kristin, my office-mate, just loves it! Every time I bring in a sandwich, she says something to the effect of "Oh God that stinks." Think of it as a great tool for negotiation. All you have to do is start eating tuna at the office, take it over to your favorite cube-gopher, and start chowing down while you're talking. This, my loyal reader(s?), is what we call sweet, sweet revenge. The best part is, all the while you know you're being relatively healthy. Just don't spill it on yourself (as I am often wont to do) or your plan will completely backfire. Because at that point, you are the only one stinking, and you have to smell it all day. At least that way, no one will sit next to you on the train...or anywhere else for that matter.
So next time you're down at the heinously overpriced supermarket, pick up some cans. Note that they are canned in such a way that the cans can be stacked perfectly. Brilliant! If you manage to shop like my grandfather (or Ryan, or Janet) and only buy at "bargain" prices, you can pick up several dozen cans for like...a nickel.
What's in your cabinet?
In my opinion, the undisputed king of spoof comedy has to be
Mel Brooks. The fact that he can change one of his oldest movies into a hit musical on broadway shows some sort of genius. Don't ask me what kind. While his later movies like "Dracula: Dead and Loving it" may not have been comedic goldmines like some some earlier films, the earlier films were ... uh ... comedic goldmines. Enter Spaceballs. Now, you may be thinking I'm a complete dork. You probably thought that before even getting to this "review." However, at least I didn't transcribe the entire script of the movie like someone ended up doing. This movie is the best thing that ever happened to science fiction movies. All of the "classics" are there. Alien(s), Star Wars, Star Trek...anything you can possibly make fun of about these movies is there. I never thought you could make fun of Alien(s), but Brooks shows that you can. Don't even ask what you could make fun of about Star Trek/Wars. If you've seen the new movies of either franchise, you realize just how much there is to make fun of.
Combine the humor of classic lines like "F*CK, even in the future nothing works!" with the fact that Spaceballs was the very apex of Rick Moranis' far too long-lived acting career, and you really can't go wrong. Spaceballs, of course, had to be the first DVD I owned. I guess that makes me a total dork. Regardless, if for some disgusting reason you haven't yet treated yourself to a viewing or two of this movie, it comes highly recommended by me. You are denying yourself a fulfilling existence if you haven't seen it. Then again, maybe you're a frou-frou French/Indie film type like Melania. Then you will think this movie sucks. Then again, you might also think that "Swept Away" (not the new Madonna-ruins-her-career version) was a great film. And that movie, contrary to the belief of anyone who is insane enough to praise it, totally sucked. Congratulations, Mel, you made space a better place.
Today I was dealt yet another swift blow to the wallet thanks to my wonderful girlfri-er...car Noriko. I had my tires changed from winter tires to "summer rubber." As Ryan says, it's a wonderful thing, this New England seasonal stuff, that forces you to have two sets of good tires or one set (all season) that is crappy in all weather. Regardless, I came to realize that it costs nearly as much just in labor to replace tires as it does to buy 4 new tires. Here comes my country bumpkin background, rearing its ugly head. You see, this is the first time I've actually had tires changed. Before that, I would do it out in Plainfield, MA which is even more in the middle of nowhere than Ashfield. And I swore it was like $10 per tire. The "upgrade" of moving from Ashfield to Boston has increased my per-tire spending from an estimated $10 to about $30. In addressing this issue, I note that just about everything under the sun in this city contains a roughly similar markup. Take an apartment in Ashfield. Justin (another one) pays I believe $500/month for the entire first floor of a house. Granted it's in ... funky ... shape, but it's still $500/month. Including utilities. Now skip to Boston. One would probably pay $500/month (not including utilities) for a ROOM in the same quality first floor of a house. Don't get me wrong. I love living in the city. Everything is accessible and there's a lot more to do. But then comes the crux: so much to do, NO MONEY. A "pint" of beer costs $4+ at the average bar. And then there's the pimpin clothes you've gotta wear, the ride, the prostitutes...I'm getting ahead of myself. But the whole point I'm making is one that everyone already knows: the city is f'n expensive. But what are you gonna do about it, anyway. I'm gonna eat my $10 lunch and shut up.