So someone finally got around to scientifically researching and proving what the rest of us have already known for years: People who use cell phones on planes are big assholes. Those of you who know me (which is all of the three of you who "regularly" check my page) know that I am deathly afraid of planes. We're talking cold, sweaty palms, pounding heart, wide Bambi-eyes... and this is all the night before the flight. I can tell you that nothing makes me more irritated and nervous than some whack-job using a cell phone on the plane. There was that one Thanksgiving ice storm that did make me more nervous, but we'll write that off as a mere technicality, won't we? I figure that those of you who have done any more than very infrequent flying have probably come across some lowlife who just must have the cell phone on during the flight. In my experience, there are two kinds of people who do this:
- Uber-Connected Businessman: This is the guy you see in the airport looking oh-so-blase about this traveling thing, always on his phone talking about some god-awful deal that will probably bring ruin upon indiginous populations in rainforests somewhere far away from said airport. He won't stop talking even once you're on the plane. The only time he will stop talking is when the attendant tells him to turn the damn thing off. Oh, he'll obey. But the moment she turns her back, the stupid phone is back on again, and he's text-messaging or checking his email or stocks or whatever. Hello asshole, just because you're not talking doesn't mean the phone isn't ON! When my plane is going down in a fiery mass toward the ocean, I'll be sure to wring his neck before we all die.
- Annoying Phone-Playing Kid: You've seen them everywhere. I remember being on a bus in Scotland trying to sleep while some genius checked out all of the ringtones in his new phone. This was back in the day when American cell phones looked like bricks, and European cell phones looked like American cell phones do now (yes, there is that much of a time-lag), so he had approximately 8 thousand ringtones. The same applies to the same type of person on planes. This jackass is listening to every nuance of Back That Ass Up in beautiful monotone cellphone ringer goodness. Repeatedly. Again, just like the businessman: Hello asshole, just because you're not talking doesn't mean the phone isn't ON! I'll be sure to be wringing this kid's neck as well when we're plummeting to our doom.