There was a saying I used to have, I think it was back around high school, maybe into my earlier years as college (man that makes me sound old doesn't it). "Use the Placebo Button."
Today's average urban pedestrian resorts quite frequently to the little button that so enthusiastically advertises "Push Button for Cross Signal" in order to get a "walk" signal and cross the street. Caught betwixt the foolishness and cynicism of my youth, I was absolutely sure that the button had absolutely no effect whatsoever on the frequency of walk signals. And thus I referred to it as the Placebo Button, a button that makes its user feel justified and assured that his actions have caused a change in the natural order of the universe.
After long years of personal experience, I began to feel that perhaps my earlier cynicism was unfounded. After all, I had resorted to pushing the Placebo Button quite frequently, and more often than not it seemed to actually cause a walk signal that might otherwise have been skipped in the cycle of traffic signals. I began to believe in The Button. Just as one believes hitting the "up" button for the elevator makes it somehow increase its speed, so too will hitting the Placebo Button cause a change in traffic patterns to accomodate the mighty weilder of The Button. But then, as the user, you might ask yourself if hitting The Button a second time will cancel out the first press, thereby rendering your hard work meaningless. I know I asked the question of myself.
It turns out that the cynicism of my youth was well-founded. Age had taught me nothing about traffic patterns but lies and unfinished promises. It was all a lie! It really was a Placebo Button. You can imagine the feeling of my world collapsing about me as I read the news. "...More than 2,500 of the 3,250 walk buttons that still exist function essentially as mechanical placebos, city figures show. Any benefit from them is only imagined..." (nytimes.com) I don't know which is more soul-crushing; the fact that my suspicions are true, or someone else used the phrase I had coined many years ago and is actually getting paid to write an article about it.
This is just another example of how I, Justin Nawrocki, am a true trendsetter. Just ask Kristin from work. People were harrassing me for having unironed clothes. I distinctly remember saying "just wait, wrinkled clothes will be the next Big Thing." Fast forward three months later, and "trendy" people on the cover of the Improper Bostonian were sporting wrinkled shirts. A few weeks later I found myself in the "trendy" section of one of those bigass department stores, and what did I see? Pre-wrinkled shirts. Imagine my ironic surprise! I imagine that my decision to "rock the white fro" (let my hair grow like an overenthusiastic hedge) will doubtless result in the newest hairstyle to become unkempt, without product, and foofy. Just you wait.
So just keep in mind people, watch what I'm doing, because you know it'll be big coming soon. For instance, I'm going to bed soon. I can only imagine what kind of trend "sleeping" is going to be after I try it. Sheesh.