In my less-than-a-year (or has it been more?) of mastering this little tiny section of the web known as shock-e.com, I have come to realize that the evil of spam extends far beyond the realm of simple email. Every day, my blogging program sends me notifications of new comments posted on my site. Inevitably, seeing as my site isn't precisely of CNN-traffic proportions, the only comments left on my site are spam comments. What are spam comments, you ask? Well you know, spam is all that junk mail you get everyday about enlarging your (possibly nonexistent) penis or making it hard for 36 days straight or whatever. Comment spam, therefore, is that kind of bullshit left in the comment boxes on my website.
I direct you to this entry on my site for an example of probably the dumbest spam I have ever seen. Go to the comments section (you click on "Comments") and behold the stupidity lurking within.
Okay, in all the years I have dealt with spam, I have become accustomed to the standard fare of spam: penis enlargment, penis enhancement, penis exercises, penis anything-else, "huge cum-covered tit" (yes I found this earlier today on my site) and so on. Last week, a spam came through my site for puppets. Yes. Puppets. I was sure that it was the most ridiculous thing I would ever see someone trying to sell through spam on the internet. I mean, who the hell buys puppets anyway, much less through internet spam? Gee, genius, you sure are reaching out to the puppeteer and mime crowd by spamming my website. It goes to show that the dummy "robot" programs designed to scour the web and leave this crap have a long way to go in the Artificial Intelligence department.
But last night. Oh, last night. It couldn't possibly get worse than puppets, could it? Oh, but it could! One thing I have learned about the internet: there is always something worse out there. Well this time it was staples. Staples? Staples?? Oh my God what will they think of next? Surely my three readers are going to absolutely flock to the spammed staple store to get the cheapest staples imaginable. Surely everybody needs staples!!! God. This makes me think of the "good old days" which according to Pete only lasted a few hours. It was a time when the Internet wasn't populated by absolute morons and by association therefore didn't suck. But those days are long past, and I sound like a seventy-year-old man griping about how he used to get to school (three feet of snow uphill both ways, eh?).
For posterity, I'm going to leave this ridiculous staple comment up. I have to go and delete the ten other identical comments left about staples. Oh and don't forget ... cheap staples (and huge cum-covered tits, if that's what you're into) for all!
Update: It looks like I got overzealous sometime during an orgy of spam-deletion and deleted the staple spam. Oh well.
CNN.com - Fight at Vibe awards; one person stabbed - Nov 16, 2004
For some reason I just really don't feel at all surprised that a brawl broke out at the Vibe ("urban music" aka Rap/R&B) awards. Maybe I'm an elitist snob or something but it just seems natural for this to happen at an event honoring a musical genre that often glorifies violence.
Way to rain on your own parade, morons.