Today I ate a McDonald's hamburger for the first time since I believe high school. Sure I've eaten stuff from there, but never actual burgers. It had its reasons at the beginning, then just became principle. I can't shake the feeling of having betrayed some abstract principles I once had, like I'm some sort of cheap whore who sold out. It shouldn't matter. What I should be more worried about is the disgusting blobs of fat itching to get into my circulatory system.
A year ago, even more recent than that actually, I may have blamed this on my living in Japan. I don't doubt that some changes in my lifestyle can be attributed to living here. I don't doubt that the nonchalance with which I ordered a double cheeseburger (man it was tasty, I will admit) does have something to do with a few principles I've gotten rather lax on since being here. Mostly I think I'm just getting older and my priorities have changed. I still hate, for example, George W. Bush with a burning passion that rivals the sun, but I can now say しょうがない (shouganai: it can't be helped) and try to move on from my fury.
Most people, I feel, get more apathetic as they get older, be it from personal experience, choice, or the "way of the world." I think that age-onset-apathy has indeed started to affect me, but I do also think (hope) that I'm just slowly learning to relax a bit. There's a little bit of Japan in t here I believe, as I find myself valuing a lack of conflict both within myself and with others.
That being said, I still fear I may come off as confrontational, high-strung, and bitter to some. Here's to learning the slow walk of life.