Today I ate a McDonald's hamburger for the first time since I believe high school. Sure I've eaten stuff from there, but never actual burgers. It had its reasons at the beginning, then just became principle. I can't shake the feeling of having betrayed some abstract principles I once had, like I'm some sort of cheap whore who sold out. It shouldn't matter. What I should be more worried about is the disgusting blobs of fat itching to get into my circulatory system.
A year ago, even more recent than that actually, I may have blamed this on my living in Japan. I don't doubt that some changes in my lifestyle can be attributed to living here. I don't doubt that the nonchalance with which I ordered a double cheeseburger (man it was tasty, I will admit) does have something to do with a few principles I've gotten rather lax on since being here. Mostly I think I'm just getting older and my priorities have changed. I still hate, for example, George W. Bush with a burning passion that rivals the sun, but I can now say しょうがない (shouganai: it can't be helped) and try to move on from my fury.
Most people, I feel, get more apathetic as they get older, be it from personal experience, choice, or the "way of the world." I think that age-onset-apathy has indeed started to affect me, but I do also think (hope) that I'm just slowly learning to relax a bit. There's a little bit of Japan in t here I believe, as I find myself valuing a lack of conflict both within myself and with others.
That being said, I still fear I may come off as confrontational, high-strung, and bitter to some. Here's to learning the slow walk of life.
Comments
well said....
Posted by: dad | February 13, 2006 8:21 PM
Do people find you confrontational? I don't get that via this medium...but maybe I'm just addled.
It becomes more of a shuffle, by the way. The slow walk, I mean. : )
Posted by: Ibadairon | February 13, 2006 10:55 PM
i've given in to temptation as well, not with hamburgers... I've always eaten them with a smile :). No, instead potato chips are my vice. After a long day at work I sometimes consume a whole bag. I don't even notice, I just keep reaching until I realize there's no more left. And this only applies to POTATO chips, not corn, or any other hybrid, except for those terra chips which are godly. But yea... tney can't be any better for my circulatory system than fast food chain hamburgers are.
Posted by: won | February 14, 2006 9:19 AM
SHAME!
just kidding
I don't think it's apathy, I think it's the ability to see the complexities in everything, and being flexible. Can you imagine if everyone stuck to their guns all the time? A world full of Michael Moores and Charleton Hestons...
Now THAT'S scary.
Posted by: Nina | February 14, 2006 11:11 AM
Yeah, I've been feeling something similar over the past year or two. Like, I actually don't care to bitch about things as much as I used to. Not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing. I mean, I'm so damn good at getting fired up that I wonder if I don't, then maybe I'll just become an old boring fart or something.
Yet, at the same time, I feel like apathy is dragging me down and I want to get out and mess with the world. But how? Whatever the case, I don't think that McDonalds has anything to do with my personal demons. :-)
Posted by: jansen | February 15, 2006 1:00 AM