Musings of a Drunken Monk: Individual Entry Archive

Let me teach you a little tidbit from the vast collection of ALT (Assistant Language Teacher) folklore.

Today I want to focus on the Legend of Hot Sensei. You see, being that we all teach at schools with dozens, if not hundreds, of other teachers, odds are that some of us should have some pretty fine teachers to call coworkers. I recall watching at one of JET's countless seminars a video recounting the day of an ALT who lives and works fairly close to 行田. Pretty much the only thing anyone had to say about the video afterwards ran along the lines of "man, his teacher was hot!" Indeed she was, regardless of rumors that she was, in reality, the devil. You see, we are repeatedly drilled in the art of "team-teaching." In theory we are supposed to be teaching in pairs with a Japanese person at all times, though for most of us that's rarely the case. In such cases that we do have a teaching partner, it would be pretty awesome to have a smokin' one, wouldn't it? That's the idea.

The problem is that somehow, though we have abovementioned dozens/hundreds of coworkers, rarely do we have a single hot teacher mixed among them. It's like winning the lottery when the teacher swap happens in April and one happens to come to your school. You're pretty much the luckiest ALT alive if you actually get to interact with one on a regular basis. I had a hot sensei sitting next to me last year, and I didn't realize how awesomely lucky I was until she was gone. Woe!! To actually have a truly beautiful/handsome teacher to teach with is something that legends are made of; wholly inconceivable. But we're constantly hoping that the next teacher shift might send one down on the winds of chance. It's one of those thing where you might hear "oh yeah, so-and-so five towns south has a really hot teacher..." but you can't find anyone you actually know who has one.

Within my group, we each have quasi-hot-senseis. It's kind of a compensation mechanism. You see the thing is that we so rarely have a true hot sensei. We have to make do with what we have, which has given rise to the "relativity" rule. Basically you may not have a hot sensei, but you probably have a "relatively hot sensei." For most of us, that's good enough. Sometimes, for instance, you may show your friends pictures of hot-sensei. Your friends look at you like you've got size 7 beer goggles on. All you have to say is "...relatively!" and they'll instantly throw their hands up and nod. "Oh yeah! Relatively hot sensei!" (S)he may not be particularly amazing on the eyes, but in comparison to whatever else to have to look at in the school, it's a Godsend.

Sometimes you're trying desperately to drag yourself out of the bed (futon) on a cold morning, and the only things you can think of to motivate yourself are "oh boy, another full classload of sullen, unmotivated 16 year olds." The moment you get up is when you remember "hey! Maybe I'll get a glimpse of hot sensei!"

Better than coffee, my friend.