To make a very long story short, just last week I found out that due to circumstances that were very well beyond my control, I would not be able to live and work in Japan as had been my plan. I feel horrible. I haven't even come to terms with the reality that is essentially being forced to live somewhere I don't want to live (the States), but slowly it sinks in.
To combat the creeping depression that I can already feel when I think about it, I've come up with a way to perhaps deal with it, at least temporarily: Lists! This time, I'll explore what I will miss about Japan. Next time? What I won't.
I've done this before but this new list will assuredly be tinged with the experience of three years in Japan...and probably more nostalgic.
What I'll Miss
- The food, oh, the food. I've made the mistake of eating sushi only once since I've been back here in the States, and it was a disappointment to say the least. I will miss the awe-inspiring sushi, the orgasmic ramen, the delicious raw egg of sukiyaki. In the States it's very true that quantity wins out over quality in all but expensive hoity-toity restaurant. I don't want a portion the size of my head that tastes like slop. I want a manageable portion of great-tasting food.
- Transportation. One of the things I most resent about having to live in the States is having to buy a car. I can't think of a bigger waste of $10,000. I'd take Japan's ridiculously extensive rail system any day.
- Keitai means mobile phone in Japanese. It's also synonymous with "three years ahead." My most recent cursory search for a mobile phone and plan in the States was like stepping into ancient history. Pay $80 for a "data plan" on a last-generation network? No thanks.
- Excellent service in even the lowliest of hamburger joints is something I've gotten used to. It has been very hard for me to deal with the "I'm doing you a favor to serve you" attitude in the States. People act like it's so difficult to serve you at all, much less be professional about it. A few days ago I was in a changing room while the salespeople outside were yelling stories across the store to each other. One such story involved "picking her up by the vagina and the boobs..." I don't care how fake it is, just show your paying customer some respect!
- Cleanliness. I recently went to New York for a job interview. Afterwards, I needed to take a train (ugh) home, and didn't want to do it in my suit. So I tried to find a suitable bathroom in which to change to street clothes. I don't know how I'd forgotten the disgusting state of every public-accessible bathroom in the States. I thought back fondly on how ridiculously clean everything in Tokyo is, whilst I tried not to touch the pathogen-seething floor of the Amtrak bathroom.
That's it for now. Tune in soon for the follow-up piece, what I won't miss about Japan.
One of the "benefits" of my Japanese visa taking much longer than anticipated to come through is that I've been stuck in Western Massachusetts in my hometown for far longer than originally intended. It allows for me to pursue such stimulating pastimes as catching up on all the quality reading material stacked up in the bathroom. One such thing I've been reading lately is the local town newspaper. It includes the monthly police blotter. This is the section of the newspaper where all happenings involving the town police are painstakingly documented. I decided to reproduce a few entries here for your pleasure. These entries are 100% true to the original source; I haven't altered anything.
- "Report of stolen property from Suburban Drive; property identified as fake rooster stolen from front lawn of residential property. Officer sent; civilian subsequently located rooster and it was rescued from Neighbors Store roof." (I know exactly whose fake rooster that is. Every time I drive by that house I think there's a rooster watching traffic go by.)
- "Report of a raccoon staggering down Main Street; unknown emergency. Officer sent; raccoon was gone on arrival."
(What would the charges be? Public drunkenness?) - "Report of a raccoon 'acting strangely' on Main Street. Officer checked the area; report unfounded."
(Misbehaving raccoons are apparently becoming quite the problem in this otherwise law-abiding town.) - "Subject called complaining about a raffle at the Fall Festival; party said he purchased a $5 raffle ticket for golf clubs. He won the raffle, but retrieved an item which was used, not consistent with the item he submitted for; he believes raffle was a scam. Matter still under investigation."
(wtf.) - "Report of a loose donkey and horse at Suburban Drive residence; officer sent. Donkey and horse moved back into field."
(Sadly, I also know whose donkey and horse these are. They happen to also own the fake rooster.) - "Check the welfare request on Main Street; female reported as lying on the lawn. Officer sent; no emergency found. Female fell asleep while reading."
(Main Street, as you can see, is a veritable pit of depravity.)
There you have it folks; small town excitement. Who needs a city of lights, gourmet restaurants, and nightclubs when you can have this?!